Tongue in cheek

Eating more papaya could cause YUJNYUIUINMNH to your liver!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo don’t eat peanuts anymore, said Mrs Sandal Soap to her stupefied husband of a year and half. 

Mr Soap, caught between the act of munching and piercing shrill of his wife, threw away the peanuts before asking her----why. Mrs Sandal stood like a green activist speaking at a street corner meeting: “What on earth are you reading in the newspapers? Didn’t you see the news about peanuts?” what news, asked Mr. Soap in an attempt to regain balance. “It says peanut could cause you put on weight, it is there in the paper”.

Mr. Soap walked around searching for the peanuts on the ground. “Oh what a person are you? It is not so, the study is about peanut butter, not peanut.” He picked up a few of the mud-plastered ones and began to pop in his mouth. Before he could balance them under his buckteeth, Mrs. Soap made a dash toward him, catching hold by his scruff. She then forced him to spit out the nuts. Almost strangulated by her monkey-grip, he tossed away the remaining peanuts. After drawing breath, he moaned: “oh hell, what is wrong with you, why, you want to kill me? I was almost out of breath!” 

Shrugging off his rancour, Mrs Soap whined, “There are germs boy, germs in the mud, and how silly of you to eat those peanuts stained with earth? You seem to have no idea about germs! They are everywhere: in the water, in the mud, on the trees, in vegetables, in your dress, and may be you need to learn more about germs.  Look, it is raining now, and there is every chance for you to get some dose of virus or bacteria from the stained peanuts. Yes, you ate those mud-stained stuff, Oh my God, I don’t know what is going to happen to this happy-go luck-by?  You need to be upadated regularly on medical news. Next time you bend over newspaper in the morning reading the fuss in politics, spare some time for health”

Mr. Soap was at the end of his tether, and was unable to any longer stand his wife. “You rag-to-middle-class baggage!!! Where do you have all these ideas of hygiene and eating right? I know those books you eat actually are destroying your commonsense. I think you haven’t yet read one important report about the benefits of eating less hygiene food. It wants us to, often, eat off not-so-clean plates, and at times down fallen morsels. Because living in squeaky-clean places could destroy edge of our immunity.

It often needs testing grounds to beef up its strength. I don’t care about rat fever or jaundice from eating this pellet-looking-peanuts off the ground”, he said.  That was an unexpected blow that left her almost reeling.  Mr. Soap continued like man who forgot to apply break to his car down on a steep slope: “do you know another study previously linked over hygiene of Europeans to increased Alzheimer’s disease there. Just think.  Each week studies want us to stop eating one kind food, while suggesting another”.

‘ It is like this: eating more papaya could  causeYUJNYUIUINMNH to liver, eating less rice could lead to better functioning of UIMIUIOIMM in heart, drinking one cup of coffee at every hour would lead to poor functioning of cerebral nurofulorcarbodiodantinine.  Some studies stress the benefits of eating more chocolates to maintain the healthy width of nostrils. You Sandal Soap, you are living according to their findings, but you don’t know the truth. In 1960s, only 13 per cent of Americans were obese. It was then studies of these kinds were just coming, people were eating their traditional foods, now most of them are obese’. 

 In those days there were fewer than 1,100 articles on obesity published in medical literature, now every year  there are more than 600,000 of them out there.  Does this mean that it has improved our health? Or hast it just made us more confused about the foods? 

Finally, she stepped in to regain the ground:  You Mr. Soap, how you get all these information about Alzheimer’s and all that? Yes, you are reading these reports like anybody does. Yes, I know that”.