In our country, some social media posts become a viral status if a man washes dishes, prepares rice and curry, do laundry, bathes a baby, etc., They are prone to be teased as being "girlish" or "henpecked" Because, for the most us, housework is a 'female fundamental right' ...
"Last week I was helping to take care of my one year old grandson. That's when I realized the reality of this picture. I salute all the working mothers, and acknowledge that there is more effort behind their success than their fellow men," said Anand Mahindra, a leading businessman on social media.
The tweet had referred to a Spanish cartoon. It features two competitors getting ready to jump on a target on a beautiful synthetic track; Male and female. The track for the male flows smoothly. But in front of the women standing next to him, is a pile of hurdles. Washed and unwashed clothes, iron box, oven, washing machine ... so many things that women have been told are in front of them in a row. An astonishing cartoon that reminds women, the challenges they have to overcome, when working men have to focus only on their goal.
For a man like Anand Mahindra, it took this long to literally understand the commitment and the challenges women face. Atleast recognised now, In a society where the family,kitchen and the children are considered as 'female jobs'. It doesn't end with saluting the 'dedication' of housewives. The meaning is complete only when the question of 'why there are no such barriers for men' should also be discussed. Wearing washed clothes, eating from time to time and spending time in clean houses are not things that only women wants. Aren't men equally in need of all these things? So why are there no men to do so? Even asking this question might be a 'big news' for some of us. In our country, social media posts become viral status if a man does the dishes, prepares rice and curry, do laundry, bathes a baby, etc., They are also mocked for doing so.
Obviously because "Housework is a female fundamental right" ...
The equation that men go to work outside and women do the housework does not fit this period. Putting up with the old-fashioned stubbornness, in addition to summoning work stress, it can also lead to neglecting happy family moments. It is now common for husbands and wives to go to work. The boundaries between male and female jobs are blurring. Both need to be prepared to do all kinds of household chores.
A lifestyle should be shaped in families where they share the responsibilities for cooking, washing and so on, especially considering the physical possibilities. Such a formation can only be taught during the stage of raising children without distinguishing between male and female jobs. It's not a matter of making a difference, it's a matter of getting used to it when you've come up with the idea that there is no gender difference in jobs.
The reluctance and problems to share the job is mostly with men. Why do men not do housework?
The are two answers for this. One is that if you do something then it will be a responsibility forever. Two, are the statements like "Oh, are you doing all this? Don't have anything else to do? Basically the complexity of 'what others say'. However, the only problem that can be solved by respecting one's life partner as a person is the fact that men now have such ego and complexity. But it is a problem that can be simply solved, by seeing and respecting the life partner as a person. The rigidity of women is often seen as a minor reason behind men staying away from housework. The thought that my husband or son should not even bend and take a teaspoon. Women who stand on the fact that a man should not be doing any laundry or kitchen work, do not realize the injustice they are doing.
It won't be a big deal for those who respect and love the woman in the house. "When we work together with the mindset that we can all work together wholeheartedly, it only adds to the warmth of the husband-wife relationship," as an expert in mental health, Dr. C.J. John points out. "Gender justice needs to come from the family and then to tue society, and that requires such sort of a community and participation.
Nowadays you can see many young people fulfilling their responsibilities at home without hesitation or any hassles. However, there are also those who completely avoid doing so. Their problem is the thought of 'what others will say'. No matter what society says, you just need to have the audacity to boldly say that these are not old days.
A family with a wife, husband and children, whre both the parents are working, beyond the pressure of such 'forced' circumstances, 'I need to be able to do all this with my loved one, and thereby spend more time together.
Beyond the need, this attitude must be rooted in society.
There are men among us who do not believe that it is their sole responsibility to make money and make decisions in the family, and that there is no such thing as a woman's job because she was born a woman. A conviction that there is no distinction between male and female jobs, at least in the new age, is rarely seen in families.
Male hands cooking, doing the dishes, washing clothes, bathing the baby. There will be people who will interpret it as way to live in a nuclear family, because there is no other way. But, beyond any other definition, it is about the attitude, equality, mutual respect and a warm relationship. Let's meet some couples who have made loving life without any discrimination between male or female...
When both are involved, the work is quickly done...
Dr. Beds' advice to Rose when she was pregnant with her first child was the turning point in the lives of Rahul and Rose.
To be honest, Rahul remembers his entry into the kitchen as he did it only because he had to. However, Rose said that soon after Rahul started cooking and doing other chores and enjoying the food made by her husband, they were fully immersed in the joy of sharing life. Rose Thomas, a hardware engineer at Intel, and TP Rahul, a freelance graphic designer along with their daughters Isha Varenya and Nila Varenya lives in Bangalore. Rahul and Rose wanted to take care of everything on their own, without the help of anyone else. With his love for cooking, Rahul's involvement with the taste was also success. The two has never felt embarrassed about sharing household chores.
"It isn't a big deal amongst our friends circle Bangalore. But when I get back home, I see people who are amazed to see me doing things like bathing the baby. At home, people like my Grandma aren't used to seeing anything like this. Those who become amazed seeing this for the first time, accepts it after a while. I didn't have to come across any insults." Rahul said.
Rahul also gives credit to his mother, who used to make him do chores like cleaning the house when he was young, for his stands today.
Both share the positivity that if this habit is nurtured during the childhood itself, many inconsistencies and the sarcasm of the society will lose their place. Sharing your part will help eliminate the distinction between "men should not do this, women should do this".
"We have two daughters. Being a girl, they are not treated by being told the do's and don'ts. They won't see the difference in our actions," said Rose.
While being an example himself, Rahul has a lot to say about the gender bias in society and the impact it has on children. "Along with the question of whether boys can do girls' jobs, the mentality of 'why women do men's work' can be seen in a metro city like Bangalore. Our children are facing it too. Our daughter had once asked if it was only men who drove, if so why was mother driving. We, later had to correct that confusion that the child had as a result of analysing the surrounding. As we move forward with such corrections, this position will take root in them as well". They both believe that their "sharing lifestyle" helps a lot in the personality development of their children. There might be few things a mom can't do. There might be some things that the father can't do as well. Rose shares the idea that if the other person can do it, and if they can connect with the children through it, that leads to a perfect family. Rahul reminds: "If you do not do housework, thinking that the wife will do everything, you might find it difficult in the future if you become all alone."
The new age is all about lack of time. Working couples may not be able to find enough time to enjoy the beautiful moments of life together. Rahul and Rose say from experience, that there is no need to make a special effort to be together and share life at such a time. "The two spend time together doing household chores. You can use that time to tell about you day at office, share dreams, and express concerns.The problem of not having time to see friends or do something together after work will not arise if housework is shared. With two people doing it, the job is done quickly. Both can sit free quickly. Bonus time!
'Prashant cooks, and I do the dishes'
Cooking is a matter of tension for Difina. If there is a guest in the house, she doesn't have the courage to do an experiment on cooking and make it a fail. Prashant, on the other hand, loves cooking. At their home, Prashant has prepared the kitchen and cooking utensils to his liking. Nine months ago, when she came to the house with Prashant, Difina's fear for cooking changed. The girl, who was worried that she didn't know anything, has nothing to worry today. Everything is safe in the hands of Prashant. Always ready for a different and delicious meal no matter how many guests come. "I just need to stand by with a little help," Defina said.
Prashant Sankaran works at Kochi Infopark. Defina is a pharmacist in Bison Valley. Every week when Difina comes home, it would be a celebration of cooking experiments. Prashant says he tries most of the dishes he eats outside. Difina is fond of the chicken dishes prepared by her husband.
Difina's favorite of Prashant's so far is 'Al Ashroof'. When Prashant's cooking and serving is done, Difina will take over the dishwashing department. Prashant says that since he has a minor problem with his legs, Difina does the household chores. Prashant is of the opinion that there shouldn't be gender segregation in doing the work. Especially nowadays. Even his father, who had never prepared a cup of tea before, now has the experience of changing with the times.
Prashant said that it is possible to even persuade the old generation to change their minds through the interventions of the new generation. House responsibilities are not something to be taken lightly. This couple believes that there is no need for distinctions between mine, hers, and his. Other than physical difficulties, there should be no other obstacle in front of the husband and wife in undertaking household chores.
Take the initiative as much as you can. Prashant explains that couples need to keep in mind that when it comes to looking after children, the baby do not just belong to one person. Prashant also didn't forget to say that, Men cannot do everything a women can. They also said that working together is a great way to encourage your partner and help them grow as individuals. "Recently, I've been experimenting with recipes a little bit," Difina said.
Babies are not only the mother's 'department'
"Something so normal in our lives"
That was what Habib and Anju, a couple from Palakkad, had to say about sharing household chores. For them, those works are just another form of mutual love. A daily routine for that family with two children together makes them complete. Habib and Anju say that they have lived like this ever since they started livin together. Even with both going for work or only one was working, it did not change anything.
Habib points out that he was strengthened by the thought that family work is not only for women but for anyone, from the self-sufficiency habits he inherited at a young age from his parents, who went to work. "People say that cooking is part of the interest. It isn't like that. Not all women like to cook. And there are a lot of men who love to cook. There are women who go into the kitchen only under duress. We see known male chefs. The preconceived notion that once done, then it will have to be done regularly, being a burdensome will keep men away from things like cooking. " - Habib explained male psychology.
Doing housework is also a way to make better communication within the family. They take advantage of this time to spend quality time together. They even turn going to the vegetable market into a mini outing. Habib says that in the early days after marriage, where the husband often work together, then stops it when he has a child. Those who think babies are in the mother's department, and those who guarantee that they know nothing about this, will conveniently ignore the fact that even women did not learn anything about this. Men think children are only meant to play with. If the baby cries then he will be handed over to the mother. There is no need for that. With the exception of breast milk, we can look after children in every way we can.
Habib looked after things, including bathing him for a few weeks after the first baby was born. Now that they have a second baby, they still doesn't require any help from anyone. They even go to the gym with two kids. One will take care of the children while the other does the workout. With that in mind, both fitness goals and life goals are safe. To those who say no to such kind of a lifestyle,this happy family proves with their own lives that it is possible. Habib is an officer in LIC. Anju, who was a software engineer, is now on the way to entrepreneurship.
'Cooking together, that's another joy!'
Living abroad. They have two children and both are working. Jinny and Sunil couldn't ask a better setting to share family responsibilities together. When Sunil goes early on weekdays, the morning chores are in Ginny's hands. The elder will be taken to the school bus by him. The second goes to the daycare with mother. Ginny, working as a nurse, says it becomes quite late, by the time she gets off duty from work. After office hours in the evening, Sunil take over the duties of taking the children home, bathing them, feeding them and getting them to bed. They both deal with their confidence as they choose to embark on their play activities. Like this, they take care of their children without any flaws.
Sunil and Jini have the pleasure of reclaiming the beautiful moments lost in their busy lives by, cooking, doing laundry and looking after the children together. What Sunil has to say is that he does the work not because of the pressures living in a foreign land, but because they like it very much. In today's nuclear family system, the two see such sharing as a way to forge closer ties in the relationship. Cooking and playing with the kids are the two things they enjoy the most. Both of them are of the view that these moments should be used to inculcate the lessons of sharing in the minds of children without any gender differences. Ginny adds that there has never been any controversy or insults on Sunil's part about sharing household chores. Sunil Poonoli is a manager in an IT sector in Dubai. For Ginny and Sunil, house responsibilities belong to both of them. And it will always be so, Because they are really enjoying life without succumbing to such hustle and bustle.
'Sharing responsibilities strengthens relationship'
Sanuj must be 'jealous' of Praveena, who spends a good part of the day with Mizhi Mol in their flat in Bangalore, which is why after his office hours, Sanju won't leave the two year old to her mother. Then Praveena will have time to shift from the responsibilities of a hands on mother to reading or social media. Sanuj is of the opinion that the responsibilities of the baby are never the responsibility of the wife alone.
When they share the responsibilities of a family of three, the satisfaction of having a stronger relationship is enough to move forward without any tiring. It was imperative for both parents to be with the baby atleast up to the age of five. Sanuj takes on the role of going to work because he got a higher paying and more comfortable job, and Praveena spends time babysitting at home.
But Praveena doesn't just sit home, doing nothing like a cliche 'housewife'. They do not have the thought of not going to work is a flaw. Both are equal partners in cooking, housekeeping, cleaning and baby care. One looks after the daughter and the other goes for work. Praveena's words show how much love and comfort she receives from her husband amidst the tensions of housework and the role of a mother. "For me, who does not like to depend on outsiders at all, Sanuj 's presence and cooperation is the most peaceful thing in life. For me, who used to look after the house all alone, gives me so much joy to have someone through Sanuj to share everything through Sanuji."
Sanuj is currently looking for a job as an art director in an advertising agency. At the same time, they are trying to find a new career path for the Praveena, who had to stop working for a long time and is now worried that her 'head might not be working'.(sarcastically) In the meantime, they both find time to study about this. Both share the satisfaction of being an example to their daughter through such sharing. Praveena who used to an accountant, is preparing to enter the entrepreneurial world.